dreams realized

I am in school for a degree in dietetics and nutrition. Basically, I want to be the person who helps counsel individuals — specifically families and those with heart diseases or Diabetes — and teach them how diet can truly better, treat, and save their life. This is my passion and I cannot wait to get into it more.

In the mean time, I get by by watching Grey’s Anatomy, and, more recently, Private Practice. It is the latter that has made me decide — somewhat unofficially — that I want to open and own (co-op style) a medical practice. For those of you who do not know anything about PP, it follows a cooperative group of doctors in their beach-side-ish medical practice in LA. It’s warm, inviting, comfy, spacious…and looks oh-so-welcoming. I want. Ha!

Anyway, they have: a therapist, pediatrician, general physician, OBGYN, fertility specialst, widwife, alternative medicine guy, etc. (I am only in season 2 and am not sure how it changes throughout the rest of the series.) 

I would do something similar, only I would include myself for nutritional counseling. 

It’s a baby idea…or really, still two gametes waiting to be joined into an idea (sorry…fresh out of my human biology final today!) But it excites me. And scares me a little…the legal side of the business management, anyway. Ben already volunteered to handle that part since he’ll be getting his MBA in a few years. How perfect  

Dreams that excite you and scare you are almost always worth pursuing, so I am going after this one. At least for now…who knows, maybe my dream will change down the road!

life basics

I know that many people don’t believe in God, and that many of the people who will read this post as they stumble about the web don’t either. But I do, and I have been missing something. I have been missing the fire. The fire of believing in something with my whole heart. The fire of being excited to learn more and explore. The fire of feeling whole and purposeful and capable. 

I have felt a slight glimpse of this fire recently. Ben and I decided that we want to attend a new church. We love our current church family and pastor, but we are feeling led and pushed in the direction of Ben’s childhood church. It is much, much larger (we’re talking a congregation of less than 100 to now one greater than 3,000). I never thought I would want to attend a church so large. I grew up in two churches, both of which were very small and very close-knit. I assumed that attending such a large church would hurt — no one would know my name or think to ask how I am doing. But I’ve realized something: truthfully, I want that anonymity. 

I’m not a touchy-feely-share-my-feelings kind of person. There are only a handful of people on this earth that I will get deep and personal with, and I can literally count them on one hand — my husband, my best friend from high school, my mom, an older sister-like friend, and my hubby’s best friend’s girlfriend. Five people. Five people. I don’t like opening up to anyone else. I get it from my dad. We are both quiet, introverted people.

At our current church, I tend to put on a church-face. I want to hide anything that may be going on because I don’t want to be asked about it. I handle life very privately with God and with those five people in my circle. At this larger (ok, enormous) church, I can happily slide in, listen to a good sermon, and slide out. I don’t need to go through the motions of hugging and making sure my church face is all adjusted properly. I really, really love that. It is relieving. 

So relieving, in fact, that I am fired up again. Or at least I am getting there. I went out and bought a bible in a new translation that makes me want to pick it up and read it. It reads like a story and shows me things in a new light. It’s awesome. I’m even reading every night before bed. 

God is an entirely personal experience, at least in my opinion. You should absolutely have godly friends that are believers too. But for me, the essence of God is completely personal. He knows things that no one else does, and that no one else ever will. He’s there in ways that no other person on the planet could be. So I am okay and comfortable with giving up the close-knit relationships, because I don’t truly participate in them. It just isn’t me. I am spending too much time focusing on hiding myself, and I believe that is what is stealing my fire. 

I am happy to go worship, receive a message, and skirt back to my day. And I feel so relieved at the prospect. Excitement and anticipation are supposed to follow you around all week until Sunday. And for the last two weeks, as we’ve been attending Ben’s childhood church, they have. It feels awesome. 

impatience

There is nothing worse than impatience.

And I mean my own. Sure, it’s irritating when someone else is being impatient around you or towards you. But nothing is as bad as your own anxious, antsy, fidgety impatience.

I am restless. I have made a decision but I’m so confused as to which path of approach to take. Do I say it upfront and hope for the best? Do I ask for a favor, even though the person I am asking will probably be hurt by my decision? Do I hide my decision and wrestle with an anxious impatience until I find a quiet solution to my predicament? 

I’m so tempted to make a rash choice and blurt out my decision and what I want. Maybe it’s the excitement over knowing what lies ahead, or maybe it’s the fear of being treated poorly as a result of my life-change decision. Or maybe it’s both. 

Ever since I can remember, I get stuck on ideas. Once I am excited or worked up about something, I can’t focus on anything else until a decision is made. Like when I decided to get a new car. The days dragged by so slowly until it was final and the car was mine. But then the days went even slower as I waited to pick up my car. It’s sort of like that right now. I see the newer model, all flashy and shiny and expensive in the lot. The price tag seems reasonable so I test drive it. And when I test drive it, I fall in love with it and want to keep driving it. But since everything depends on the bank, I have to go back to driving my lower model for the time being, until the bank organizes and settles everything and agrees to help me out. Problem is, I’m being selective with the bank. I want a certain type of bank, and a certain type of loan, and what I can afford is a factor. I don’t want to change cars if I’m just going to be unhappy a few months down the road. 

Sigh. 

(For the record, I am not buying a new car. That was all a metaphor.)

#impatience

onward and upward

Have you ever made a decision that you knew was right for you, but that you also knew would hurt someone else? Not intentionally, of course…your aim wasn’t to hurt them, it just sort of was an inevitable consequence?

Ben and I recently made a decision like that. It is what we need to do and something we are excited about, but we know a few people around us will be hurt. I’m not going to say what it is yet, since I don’t know who exactly follows this blog, but I will say that it is a decision that I have peace in my heart about. I know we’re doing the right thing for ourselves as individuals, as a couple, and for our future family. 

Today begins the first day of our decision. It’s a transitional process, and it feels good to be starting it today! This post it titled “onward and upward” because our decision is one about moving on and moving forward in an aspect of our lives. We are yearning for more, and we owe it to ourselves to go where we will get what we need. 

(For those wondering, don’t worry — it’s not a relational decision! We are just fine!) 

Sorry for the vagueness…sometime I will be able to write more about it. I just felt like I wanted to post about moving on, and how sometimes it hurts some people around you. Whether you’re moving, leaving, ending, or even beginning something…someone is bound to be hurt, but ultimately you have to do what is right for you. If you do what’s right for you, and you have peace in your heart about it, then know that everyone involved will be just fine. Peace in your heart means it’s the right decision.

#happy

love one another

I delayed in writing this post because it was such a hot subject last week. But I have felt this itch to post my thoughts about gay marriage.

So many people use the bible as a reason to oppose gay marriage and gay people. But you know what? That is so backwards. As Christians, we should be familiar with verses such as “I give you a new law. You are to love each other as I have loved you. If you love each other, all men will know you are My followers” (John 13:34-35 NLV).

Well, guess what, Church? That is not how all men know us. They know us as the hypocritical group that judges, condemns, and hurts. In the name of the bible, and in God’s name.

I know that God is loving and forgiving. I know that God is open to everyone and available to everyone. And I know that God would never sit here and say the things we say to gays or tell them that they’re going to hell for being gay. That is NOT God. So stop using God and the bible as a reason to hate gays, and start using it as a reason to love them. They are people! Who cares if you disagree with how they live? There are people all over who disagree with how YOU live. All you are doing by hating and judging is making the world see you as a hateful worshiper…and since you use God’s name and his word to do it, you are also telling the world that God is hateful.

You don’t have to agree with gay marriage. But you do have to love and support gays as PEOPLE. Because they are, and because God would. God doesn’t say to stand in the way of gay people. In fact, for all the things the bible might say about homosexuality, the most important is this:

“So you can say nothing because you are guilty when you say someone else is guilty. While you say someone is guilty, you are doing the same things he does. We know that God will say those who do such things are guilty. Do you think God will punish others for doing wrong and let you keep sinning?” Romans 2:1-3

In another translation that I cannot find currently, it says that judgement will be between God and those who practice homosexuality. Read that again. It’s between them and God. You and I are not involved. The same goes for YOU. Your judgement will come, and it will be between you and God.

So stop. Just STOP trying to use God as a reason to condemn and judge and hurt and condescend homosexual people. Whatever you may think they’re doing wrong, God is clear on two things: one, you are no better than anyone else’s sins; two, LOVE ONE ANOTHER. There is no footnote to that command that says “unless they’re black, gay, different, left-wing, right-wing…..”

So give it up. God doesn’t hate gay people. He loves them because they are people, regardless of their sexual orientation. And he asks that you do the same.

they’ll see

I go to community college. Not because I couldn’t get in anywhere else, or because I’m not as smart as my peers, or because I slacked off. I go to community college because it was – and is – the best option for me. I had a few priorities in selecting community college. First, it was important to me to stay near to my fiance, who, by the way, is now my husband. And yes, I considered going to the school he attended…they, however, didn’t offer the degree I was pursuing at the time. Second, I needed something affordable. No matter what the FAFSA said, my parents couldn’t contribute a whole lot to my education. And being a high schooler myself, neither could I. Third, I needed flexibility. I need to work and go to school at the same time, because I am married and my parents aren’t paying out-of-pocket for me to go to school. 

Vermont has the best community and state colleges in the country (so I’ve been told). So when I say I’m going to community college, I am going to a community college with campuses all over the state that enrolls nearly 12,000 every year. And I’m not “settling” for a community college degree. That is not the extent of my college career. I am taking courses at the community college that I know will transfer to UVM where I plan to pursue the degree program that I want. And you know what? The courses I take at CCV and taught by professors from UVM, Champlain, Johnson, Castleton. They are identical in curricula and syllabi. For one-third of the cost of one of the other schools. 

So if you ask me, I am making the smartest choice of all. I am taking the same courses as my university colleagues, paying 1/3 the cost, and ultimately graduating with the same exact degree (from UVM, which is actually an Ivy). With less debt. And I can still work, and I am happily married to my first priority. 

Why the rant, you ask? This past Sunday, Easter, we were eating at the house of our good family friends. I received a simple “How’s school going?” and a “Congratulations!” when I mentioned that my GPA earned me a $3,000 scholarship to UVM. When my brother-in-law arrived, he was asked a slew of questions about his experiences and how school (at a $40,000/year private college that he doesn’t pay) was going for him. To them, the fact that he is AWAY at college makes the difference. The fact that I am at community college somehow devalues my college experience in the eyes of others. No one asks me in-depth questions about how my courses are going, or what I’m learning in my classes, or what campus is like. Why? Because there is a cultural stigma that community college is lesser than universities. 

So here’s to all you other community-collegers. Our education is equal. It is valid, and it is important. 

I’ll just hold out for the “Wow, I wish I would have done what you did…I have so much debt… ” from all my friends who somehow think my education plan is less than that of my university peers.

They’ll see.

paleo

So about this paleo diet fad… I am curious. Normally I am not one to support or try these things, but I am really curious. This one seems to really make people eat well. I may try it, although there are some aspects I disagree with. 

Number one, I don’t agree that meat should be a large portion of one’s diet (referring to eating as a whole, not “a” diet). I think that meat should be considered more of a side than an entree. 

Number two, I also disagree with nixing beans and legumes. This is likely because I am not a huge meat eater and I rely on beans and rice combinations to help satisfy my protein needs (along with eggs and nuts). 

But I full-heatedly support ousting refined sugars. Ben and I don’t eat many bad things, and we are really happy with that. I feel proud about how I shop for and cook for us. I feel more satisfied knowing that I am cooking something healthy for my husband than I do eating it! (Okay, so maybe that is not 100% true…eating is good! haha!)

So if we try paleo, I will have a few exceptions. First, I will allow some dairy, like cheese and yogurt. These are pretty fundamental in our diet, but in proper proportion. I don’t see any harm in them provided we keep them in check. Second, I will not be eating beef/chicken/pork. Ben will, but I’ll stick to my fish and seafood! Third, I will be eating beans!

I’ve changed it a lot…it’s not so paleo anymore, is it? Not too surprising…I am a big believer in the Mediterranean diet and lifestyle of eating! I will probably stick with it, although I am certainly open to trying paleo for some time. Maybe a 4-week challenge?

I’d love to hear your thoughts on paleo…comment below!